The Worlds of Humanity had long been
vastly overpopulated to the extent that across the thirty thousand or
so inhabited planets there was no longer room for constructing space
ships. Previously builders yards, industrial estates and space ports
had taken up billions of square kilometres, but over the centuries
and millennia living quarters had encroached. Now each human being
inhabited, at best, a one by one point five metre sleeping pod.
These were stacked thousands high across the land and sea of all
inhabited planets. No room was left for industry, agriculture or
commerce.
Attempts were being made to construct
massive intergalactic space ships in orbit around planets, using
space elevators to carry workers and materials up to the orbital
shipyards. Problems were multitudinous. Hastily build space
elevators often toppled, crashing to ground and killing millions at a
time. As this only reduced the population numbers it was not
considered a major problem, and under certain jurisdictions was
actually encouraged. Oftentimes towers were built up to space and
then pushed over without them ever being intended as space elevators.
Even with the millions being randomly
crushed by falling debris, and the constant rebranding of mass forced
sterilisation, the numbers continued to rise. People
still enjoyed the vigorous putting-together of body parts, and given
certain combinations and conditions this could still result in birth.
A plus one to the population.
Occasional settlements were made on new
lands in new systems, but the exponential growth of humanity far
outstripped the tiny expanses of living space. Regular competitions
ran, and prizes were granted, bringing in a regular supply of
practical and impractical ideas for reducing population size. All
news and politics was focused on the unstoppable population growth.
One of the most successful of ideas
implemented was instigating the death penalty for all crimes; the
definition of 'criminal' expanded to include being related to a
criminal, giving birth without a license, giving birth with a
license, being a parent, being a baby, having previously been a baby,
or ever having seen or heard a baby. As this included everyone it
enabled police forces to simply vaporise perpetrators on sight. The
only problem with this was that every morning all officers would
begin the day by vaporising their colleagues, if they managed to make
it out of the sleeping pod without vaporising themselves. Billions
were enlisted into the police force, and billions died before they
had a chance to set off on their morning beats.
Azygous and Thule were talented
scientists, able to manipulate the natural world using the tools of
their trade. Electron microscopes, graphene doodahs, and quantum
computers. DNA blenders and molecular recalcifiers. They, like many
others before them, made many attempts to combat the population
problem, for that was the only
problem faced by science. The curing of disease and the prevention
of ageing no longer concerned science. Once scientists had tackled
these problems, which turned out to be a major contributing factor to
the staggering number of humans crawling over every available
surface, and all the unavailable ones too.
Some
scientists were manufacturing diseases, the biggest prizes going to
the biggest killers. Others made more efficient and less expensive
killing machines which the authorities distributed through junk mail
and cereal boxes. Some even created artificial means of starting
mass panic, sending people running into the streets to kill their
neighbours and themselves. People were dying in piles, bodies
rotting in the streets and in their beds. Conservative estimates
envisioned anywhere between fifteen and eighty five percent of
sleeping pods contained at least one corpse. Nobody had the faintest
clue how many humans there were. Who had the time to count when
every moment was spent killing, dying or barely surviving?
Azygous and Thule
had initially tried this way of killing and that way. Something
about buzz saws randomly leaping out of pavements had brought
chuckles and popular approval but had proved too costly. Another
wheeze whereby people were encouraged to declare war upon themselves
was still ongoing, and providing consistent low-level relief.
One morning over a
well-scavenged breakfast of shoe leather and the feet they contained
Thule had a thought:
“What's the one
thing, above all else, that is still contributing to the population
growth?” asked Thule.
“Well, aside from
the fact that death by old age is not really a thing any more, I
would have to say that it is those blasted babies that keep being
born,” Azygous correctly surmised.
“Precisely,”
said Thule. “My thoughts exactly.”
“Yes, mine too,”
reiterated Azygous. “But we know sterilisation and the various
infanticidal programs have failed, so I suppose you are suggesting
turning the problem on its head.”
“I hate to repeat
myself,” said Thule. “But on this occasion I must: Precisely.”
“Birth is caused,
we know, by certain couplings in certain combinations and conditions.
What these certains and certainties are is of no great concern to
naught be the greatest of perverts and proles, and we know that even
the threat of death by disease cannot prevent these couplings. Nor
should they, for what other pleasures have we left?"
"None of
note," pointed out Thule.
"Capital
punishment, and terminal disease have not worked; the numbers
continue to grow."
"Our next move
is clear," agreed Thule.
"Indeed."
Together they
worked night and day, for forty weeks and forty more, testing,
retesting, publishing, peer-reviewing, testing and more testing.
They got through enough phials, test tubes and vials of blood, sweat
and tears, to arm and attire the entire Perspex Army of Methyl Metha
and the Crylates. They experimented with every rung of every DNA
strand they could lay their hands on, climbing up and down like
master gymnasts. They perfected the medicine and morphology behind
their technique before working on delivery methods. A great idea is
nothing without the ability to spread it across all the lands and
living spaces that humans have crawled into. Finally they were ready
to reveal their grand formula to a waiting world.
Azygous and Thule
presented their work to the appropriate authorities in the Grand Hall
of the Purging of the People. Two test subjects took to the stage
and began their coupling. They grew more vigorous and jiggly,
jumping about and squeaking. They finished together and fell down
together, squishing themselves closely and cosily into one. The
beast with two backs became the baby with one back as the sexual
partners merged into one leaving behind only a single new-born, to be
cared for or disposed of as society saw fit.
Rapturous applause
filled the hall as all present understood the powerful implications
of the new technique in genetic manipulation. Two literally became
one. Every time a baby is born, the population would decrease.
Eventually, after a hundred or so generations, when all alive were
conceived in this way the population will achieve a state of
exponential decrease along the exact same curve it had previously
increased. This is what Azygous and Thule's experiments predicted
would happen, and this is the outcome the authorities agreed with.
History tells us
this is indeed what happened, presenting us with out present problem,
whereby humanity exists in small isolated scatterings, strewn across
the galaxy and facing immediate extinction due to the problem of high
child birth. Long forgotten voices spoke of Azygous and Thule as
saviours of humanity, but their salvation was only temporary, for now
the solution to a problem of the past is the immediate threat of the
present. Our entire and final obliteration is imminent. Not by a
sudden Apocalyptic catastrophe, but by the lonely death of the last
human.
